Why the Pain of Rejection hurts us
“I see the shores getting joyous
the moment they are touched by the waves.
And then they dry too soon just to know,
they’re not worthy of the love they crave.”
Have you ever wondered why the pain of rejection hurts so bad? I know the word REJECTION probably makes you think that you’re no good. As disheartening as it is, its a part of life and my life is no different.
When I was not selected for a skit in junior school, when I was not included in a musical band in high school, when another candidate got selected for my dream job, when the boy I crushed onto for months only wanted to be friends, I quickly learnt that not everybody thought the highest of me.
I remember meeting someone wise on my way from Ajmer (where I studied B.tech) to New Delhi (my hometown). I asked her “Why the pain of rejection hurts so bad?” . “Not everybody can appreciate the way we are, nevertheless , we should learn to be independent of the opinions of other people. The opinion might be good or bad. ” – were some words that kept running in the background thread of my subconscious brain and here is what I have learnt.
What is Rejection?
Rejection comes from judgement and judgement is differently made by every person. A painting that is beautiful to your best friend might be second-class to you, and that’s okay. Everyone is entitled to his or her opinions, but an opinion or perception doesn’t determine whether the painting is truly beautiful or not. The painting just is. Sometimes, someone’s perception is responsible for you being rejected, not your flawed nature.
How should we deal with rejection?
When we learn to put our attention on the positive feedback and the support that we receive from others, consequently, the impact of rejection fades and high positive energy tries to overpower our emotions. Rejection can thus act like tools for our learning and growth. You can always use it as an opportunity to develop your current behaviours and determine ways to grow into a better person.
The rejection from your employers should become your motivation to review your resume and enrol in professional development courses.
The feedback you receive from artists for your creativities should propel you to bring your work to the next level.
Your lover/partner’s decision to leave your relationship should move you to realise how a relationship works. It should motivate you to become a better person rather than pushing you towards finding someone else, to fill up the vulnerable empty space in your life. Because if you do that, you will only end up reaching back to the same page.
And above all, rejection proves that you’re experiencing life to the fullest. Learning from experiences is what a human being is all about! Definitely, if you had chosen to hide behind the curtains and had not pursued the career, contest, relationship or friendship or whatever, you wouldn’t have experienced rejection at all. But you wouldn’t have completely experienced life either.
So its okay to feel bad about being rejected, but its important to bounce back quickly, embrace your truth, and focus on what life has for you in store!